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Common Misconceptions

1/25/2024

 
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Recently we were asked to provide a fact check for a speaker who was preparing to share the story of her husband's home funeral. Here are the primary misconceptions around family death-care rights that we expected she might encounter:
  • “The 24 Hour Rule”
  • “You have to hire a funeral home/ mortuary.”
  • “You have to hire a funeral home to transport a body after death.” OR “You need a transportation permit to bring a deceased loved one home for after-deathcare, from their place of death.”
  • “A Home Funeral takes place in the home and is only for certain kinds of people.”


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Planning with Pride Informational Videos

9/9/2023

 
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Earlier this year, we helped produce a free four-part series of educational sessions for the LGBTQ+ community. Hosted by Friendly House of Portland's Elder Pride Services, the sessions were recorded and are now available to watch:
  • Part 1: Preparing for Death featuring Evening Star End-of-Life Doula Services and community elder Carol Brownlow
  • Part 2: The Dying Time featuring Evening Star End-of-Life Doula Services, end of life doula/ educator Jamie Thrower, and hospice/ palliative care nurse practitioner Asher Caldwell
  • Part 3: Final Disposition featuring home funeral guide/ community death educator Holly Pruett and funeral directors Patrick Cornelius & Gillian Fitzhugh
  • Part 4: Ceremonies of Mourning and Remembrance featuring funeral celebrant Holly Pruett, grief guide Jamie Thrower, and community elder Carol Brownlow
For more see our post LGBTQ Death Care: The Appointment of Person Form.


LGBTQ Death Care: The “Appointment of Person” Form

2/19/2023

 
PictureSite contributor Holly Pruett was honored to support Linda Campbell through her fight to be buried with her wife Nancy. Click to learn more.
Carol Brownlow got tired of seeing her gay and lesbian friends put back into the closet at their funerals. “It is heart wrenching to hear their authentic lives continue to be rejected by their families even in death,” Carol says.
 
Seeing sexual orientation or gender identity disrespected after a person has died can be a painful experience for the chosen family and community of an LGBTQ+ person. Unless a person has designated someone to make decisions concerning the disposition of their body after death, a legal “chain of command” takes effect. Immediate family are by law the default decision makers regarding physical remains. This blog post and our page Oregon Legal Essentials provide information and further resources to ensure your wishes, identity, and relationships are respected. 


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Donating Your Body to Medical Education & Science

10/17/2022

 
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We invited Tamara Ostervoss, Director of the Body Donation Program at Oregon Health & Science University, to provide more information about this method of final disposition and how it can be compatible with family and community-led after-death care. 
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Whole-body donation is an alternative to a traditional funeral and burial or cremation.  Donating your body or your loved one’s body to a reputable body donation program supports medical education and research after death.  Many people considering this option are unsure of how to plan or what the process may look like.
 



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Skills you already have to care for your own dead

8/7/2022

 
PictureThe One Washcloth Project helps families recognize that small things - like bathing a loved ones hands after death - can be done simply and have great meaning
by Keelia Carver

​One of the things I like best when talking to people about caring for their own dead is discussing what you are actually paying for when you hire a funeral home’s services.

Because it can be hard to understand what you are actually paying for when you hire a funeral director (it certainly was for me!), it can help to break the list of tasks down and think about specific skills that you probably already have. It makes it possible to say “I choose to do this task.” Or “I don’t want to do this task, I’d rather hire it out.” Similar to when you hire a hair dresser, or tax preparer.


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Ruralite Magazine Tells 300k Households about Family Funeral Rights

9/22/2021

 
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Click image to read this feature story in Ruralite magazine, which reaches more than 320,000 households in Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Nevada, California and Montana.

Medical Certification of Death: A Cautionary Tale

4/5/2021

 
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 — by Molly Sirois

Two weeks before my 80 year-old friend died, she had a stroke. She was well-prepared for such an event, having lived with multiple sclerosis for 56 years. Her POLST form was on the front door, her advance directive completed, and her end-of-life affairs in order. Her friends and family knew she didn’t want any life-sustaining intervention, no food, no water. Not even hospice. Several of us had experience caring for others in their last days, and combined with her doctor’s consultation, we knew what to do: make her as comfortable as possible. The mortuary was on notice.


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St. Charles Hospital Updates Body Release Policy

5/18/2020

 
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~ by Keelia Carver

I am overwhelmed with gratitude.  I am sobbing at my computer over a one-page hospital form.

St. Charles Hospital in Bend, Oregon has enacted a major change. It's a change I wish had been in place when my son Max was pronounced dead in their hospital and they refused to let us take him home for burial - which was our right under Oregon law.

The new Release of Body Form is intended for use when the hospital releases a decedent to a family member or friend instead of a paid funeral service provider. It is a simple form requiring name, relationship, and acknowledgement that the requestor will follow all state and federal laws when handling and disposing of the body.


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Washington State Clarifies Funeral Restrictions During COVID-19

3/28/2020

 
With The Seattle Times publishing an alarming and heartbreaking article about cemetery restrictions on all family or community presence at burials - even limited numbers observing social distancing spacing - today the Washington State Department of Licensing issued this clarification: 

Licensed funeral homes and cemeteries may conduct funeral services in a funeral home or graveside under the following conditions:
  • Funerals are only attended by immediate family members of the deceased.
  • The family members in attendance must maintain proper social distancing, defined by the Centers for Disease Control as staying six feet apart. ​

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Chevra Kadisha: Jewish Deathcare Traditions

3/10/2020

 
PictureTachrichim, traditional Jewish burial clothing
While the dominant culture of North America has largely lost touch with family- and community-centered responses to death, there are cultures within the U.S. where these traditions have remained more intact. 

A recent post on the website The Jew School explains, "The chevra kadisha (“Holy Community”) is a geographically-organized group responsible for all Jewish matters pertaining to death, including arranging people to sit with and guard the body (shemira), and preparation of the body for burial (tahara)." 

Giulia Fleishman, a third year rabbinical student, shares her personal journey to joining a chevra kadisha, and participating in her first tahara. She describes tahara as "the loving act of ritually washing a deceased person, clothing them in white garments, and enclosing them in a simple pine casket." Giulia's story describes the process: "As they perform taharah, the members of the chevra kadisha chant prayers that ask forgiveness for any mistakes they might make, as well as lines from The Song of Songs that attest to the deceased’s beauty, even in their present state."

​Read Giulia's full post.

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  • Home
  • How To
    • Get Help Now
    • Learn the Law
    • Have a Home Funeral
    • Perform Body Care
    • Complete Paperwork
    • Arrange Disposition
    • Transport the Dead
    • Create Ceremony
    • Go Out Greener
    • Pay for a Funeral
    • Work with Professionals
  • Learn More
    • Resources for Professionals
    • Tools for Community Education
    • Books, Articles, Organizations
    • Glossary
    • Sample Forms
    • Media Kit
    • Pandemic Care Guide >
      • Pandemic Care Guide
      • Practical Guidelines
      • Ceremony Resources
      • Articles
      • Covid-19 FAQs
    • FAQs
  • Stories
    • Read Their Stories
    • Max's Story
    • David's Story
    • Mark's Story
    • Karen's Story
    • Jamie's Story
    • Marcy's Story
    • Kim's Story
    • Bill's Story
    • Vera Luna's Story
  • Blog
  • Contact